Today was the start of a brand new school year for me. I think I have looked forward to it. Not quite used to the routine again, but it will come! Axton's school opened it's brand new building today. It's been being built for a year now. It looks wonderful. He was super excited this morning. When he pulled up he said, "Lets do this mom". I had to chuckle inside. Only Axton! His message was the start of my day, Lets do this! I can do all things because Christ gives me strength. I am at a point in my life that I am not sure what comes next. Tim and I haven't been in this place before. I know that God is with us and he is guiding us, but he fear of the unknown is new.
I find peace in the small things. When I watch the laughter of a little boy who I have heard others "label", I know God is great! When I watch my husband walk in the church doors 2 weeks in a row, after saying he didn't want to go to church anymore, I stand in awe. When I wake up knowing that I have a family who loves me and that no matter what I do or where I go, I have support, I feel blessed.
In all of this, I am watching the hand of God on our lives. I know that big things are yet to come and even though I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, God is in Control! I am reminded of a song I heard my aunts, uncle, and dad sing as a child, He didn't bring us this far to leave us! I know he means that! So in the words of my wonderful, full of life 4 year old, Lets do this!
Until then...
Sharon
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Guidance
Phil 4:19 And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
I struggle with writing tonight. My heart is heavy. Without going into to much detail, please pray for our family. I feel like God is trying to do a work in our home, but we aren't quite sure which way is up and which way is down. I am sitting by and watching our oldest make choices that I find difficult for him to make, but I know it's what he wants. I also know that God knew these things long before they came to light and he will protect our baby. I am praying that God shows himself to us and ways that only he can. That Tim and I will protect and provide right now more than we ever have as parents. I don't know where or when God will show up, only that I know he will.
God place in us the ability to hear your still small voice. I pray that you will direct our paths. I pray that you will protect our children and love them even when we are not there. As they rest their heads on the pillow at night, help them to feel peace and comfort and to know that it is not all in vain, but that we are working diligently on taking care of their needs. Love them with the love of any parent. Help Tim and I to do only your work and not the work of ourselves. Amen..
Until then...
Sharon
I struggle with writing tonight. My heart is heavy. Without going into to much detail, please pray for our family. I feel like God is trying to do a work in our home, but we aren't quite sure which way is up and which way is down. I am sitting by and watching our oldest make choices that I find difficult for him to make, but I know it's what he wants. I also know that God knew these things long before they came to light and he will protect our baby. I am praying that God shows himself to us and ways that only he can. That Tim and I will protect and provide right now more than we ever have as parents. I don't know where or when God will show up, only that I know he will.
God place in us the ability to hear your still small voice. I pray that you will direct our paths. I pray that you will protect our children and love them even when we are not there. As they rest their heads on the pillow at night, help them to feel peace and comfort and to know that it is not all in vain, but that we are working diligently on taking care of their needs. Love them with the love of any parent. Help Tim and I to do only your work and not the work of ourselves. Amen..
Until then...
Sharon
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Pride
So much to do in so little time, I guess. Life gets you so busy and I forget all the important things! I have had this very whelming sense of sadness since Axton started pre-k. I know, I know.. Let the boy grow up..LOL I am watching him spread his wings and fly, but in doing this, I am watching my only baby devlop into a little person all on his own. It is so rewarding, yet sad all at the same time. He said something to the teacher last week and it has been playing over and over in my head, "I just want to make my mommy proud". As I type those words, the tears are forming and my heart is heavy. I have tried my very best with our 2 boys for them to know how much I love them and I push them to do great things, but... I may have been pushing so hard that I haven't said enough, how proud I am. So on that day, I vowed to myself that as much punishment as may they recieve, they will be praised times 2! I want them to know that no matter if they are millionaires, the smartest man who lives, or just the average Bob the Builder, my pride and my love never waiver. They are of course mine after all. Mini Tim, who just wants to know is he as tall as me yet, because that means victory, or the little Greg look alike, who is so very much like me sometimes its scary. I don't know that I ever had as much passion as Axton does. His whole soul cries passion from the smallest thing to the biggest. Ike has a heart of gold. If he knows you need it, he give you his last dime. Such sweet boys.
Boys, I pray that you know today and everyday until my last breath, how proud I am of you! In your cheering section of life, I am your #1 fan!! I promise that the big things will be victorys and what may be small to others, will be giant things to me. You make me proud to be called mom and stepmom. You have given me a new purpose and life. You both are the reason I wake up each morning and do the things I have to do, it's all for you!! I love you boys!
Until then...
Sharon
Boys, I pray that you know today and everyday until my last breath, how proud I am of you! In your cheering section of life, I am your #1 fan!! I promise that the big things will be victorys and what may be small to others, will be giant things to me. You make me proud to be called mom and stepmom. You have given me a new purpose and life. You both are the reason I wake up each morning and do the things I have to do, it's all for you!! I love you boys!
Until then...
Sharon
Thursday, June 4, 2009
It's been awhile
It's been awhile since I have blogged so I thought I would catch up today. I spent the day with my two younger cousins whom never get to see. I enjoyed every minute of it, but sometimes couldn't believe they are as old as my kids! I am getting old..lol They are as full of like as our boys are. Katrina just wanted my purse, cell phone, and sunglasses. She is every bit like me when I was that age. Logan, oh the sweet doll boy. So pleasant and kind. He just wanted to talk and I just listened. Normally I'm the talker. I am blessed to have such a great family on both sides. I have aunts that are more like my mom than anything and 2 uncles who may not always be around like my aunts, but I know that I could call on them anytime. In this day and time, it's not the "norm" to be so close to your family. Life goes by so fast, it's nice sometimes to just stop and spend time with the ones you love. Not because it's a holiday or because you have to, but because you want to.
I am blessed!
Until then....
Sharon
I am blessed!
Until then....
Sharon
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Axton's story
I have submitted Axton's story for a book about Asperger's that is to be published soon. The lady writing it is from here in Arkansas and has 2 sons in the Autism spectrum. She was just featured on Nancy Grace talking about autism and the struggles families face. Here is a piece of what I sent in. My God find you in his grace today!
Sharon
As a mother of a child diagnosed with Asperger's at 2, two years later questions still go unanswered. After recieving a diagnoses, where to go from there fell completly on us. As if the doctors said "Your son has Aspergers" and we heard "Your son will live a hard life" and then we heard "Your bill is 50.00, thank you for stopping in". There was nothing in between there. I fell apart on the way back to work and heard my little 2 year old's voice say "Why are you crying"? I am sure at that moment is when I realized how challenging this road would be. Axton has always been "quirky". Lining things up, an extreme love for trains and balls. He can memorize anything he hears or sees. His love for sports goes above the "norm" for kids his age. He has no fear of things that would normally scream Danger to others. He has no idea that his clothes are on backwards and could care less. He is very routined and scheduled. He expects the same things to happen just like clock work. He holds you to your word and doesn't like change. He is very black and white. There is no grey. When his teachers told him not to talk to strangers, he took her for that. He screamed out in Wal-Mart when someone said hello, "STRANGER, I CAN'T TALK TO STRANGERS". He is extremly smart and acts as a little grown up most of the time. I knew from early on his screaming fits and loud screaming wasn't typical behavior for children his age. He didn't deal well with the everyday life at daycare. When he got old enough to walk and talk he seemed to be in trouble for hitting or hurting other children in class. When I moved him to a smaller Mother's Day out program and also was his teacher, the challanges followed us there. He ran out of the classroom, hit other children, refused to take a nap or stay on his bed, and I went home in tears most days. When I fianlly convinced our PCP that I just thought we needed to see someone for his behavior, I was excited. When I left the appointment it took months to get,my heart was broken and I wanted to go back to my life of being in denial. For a few days time stood still. After the shock wore off and I stopped blaming myself, life went on. I live by, God does not make mistakes and Axton is my gift. Most days I feel as though he was placed on this earth to teach me. He now attends an intergrated school here in Little Rock. He has been recieving Occupational Therapy since right after his diagnoses. I worry about starting school next year, but I have to talk myself down from the fear. He has made tremendous progress in the almost 2 years since being diagnosed. The fits seem to be fewer each week. He doesn't leave his classroom as much when he is upset or overwhelmed. He is learning about his "Good and bad choices". His school, teacher's and therapist have been my life line. Without them, I am afraid of where we would be. Even in the moments, I feel sorry for myself or for Axton, I see God in his little face and remember it's not about me. I tell Axton on a daily basis how God made him special. He is not aware that he may be different from his peers yet and as selfish as it may seem, I pray that God helps him to never know there is one. He has a long road ahead of him, but I know he is up for the challange. I hope that in the future there will be more answers for parents like me. That they won't have to use guess work to understand the medical terms and to understand where to turn to. Life won't always be easy, but it will be well worth it, because I have the greatest son I could have ever prayed for right beside me!
Sharon
As a mother of a child diagnosed with Asperger's at 2, two years later questions still go unanswered. After recieving a diagnoses, where to go from there fell completly on us. As if the doctors said "Your son has Aspergers" and we heard "Your son will live a hard life" and then we heard "Your bill is 50.00, thank you for stopping in". There was nothing in between there. I fell apart on the way back to work and heard my little 2 year old's voice say "Why are you crying"? I am sure at that moment is when I realized how challenging this road would be. Axton has always been "quirky". Lining things up, an extreme love for trains and balls. He can memorize anything he hears or sees. His love for sports goes above the "norm" for kids his age. He has no fear of things that would normally scream Danger to others. He has no idea that his clothes are on backwards and could care less. He is very routined and scheduled. He expects the same things to happen just like clock work. He holds you to your word and doesn't like change. He is very black and white. There is no grey. When his teachers told him not to talk to strangers, he took her for that. He screamed out in Wal-Mart when someone said hello, "STRANGER, I CAN'T TALK TO STRANGERS". He is extremly smart and acts as a little grown up most of the time. I knew from early on his screaming fits and loud screaming wasn't typical behavior for children his age. He didn't deal well with the everyday life at daycare. When he got old enough to walk and talk he seemed to be in trouble for hitting or hurting other children in class. When I moved him to a smaller Mother's Day out program and also was his teacher, the challanges followed us there. He ran out of the classroom, hit other children, refused to take a nap or stay on his bed, and I went home in tears most days. When I fianlly convinced our PCP that I just thought we needed to see someone for his behavior, I was excited. When I left the appointment it took months to get,my heart was broken and I wanted to go back to my life of being in denial. For a few days time stood still. After the shock wore off and I stopped blaming myself, life went on. I live by, God does not make mistakes and Axton is my gift. Most days I feel as though he was placed on this earth to teach me. He now attends an intergrated school here in Little Rock. He has been recieving Occupational Therapy since right after his diagnoses. I worry about starting school next year, but I have to talk myself down from the fear. He has made tremendous progress in the almost 2 years since being diagnosed. The fits seem to be fewer each week. He doesn't leave his classroom as much when he is upset or overwhelmed. He is learning about his "Good and bad choices". His school, teacher's and therapist have been my life line. Without them, I am afraid of where we would be. Even in the moments, I feel sorry for myself or for Axton, I see God in his little face and remember it's not about me. I tell Axton on a daily basis how God made him special. He is not aware that he may be different from his peers yet and as selfish as it may seem, I pray that God helps him to never know there is one. He has a long road ahead of him, but I know he is up for the challange. I hope that in the future there will be more answers for parents like me. That they won't have to use guess work to understand the medical terms and to understand where to turn to. Life won't always be easy, but it will be well worth it, because I have the greatest son I could have ever prayed for right beside me!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Another school year
So it's been awhile! So long in fact, I had to change addresses all together. Oh well. Could have been worse I guess. The school year is in full swing. Ike started 3rd grade and Axton is at the Francis Allen School. He is in a PRE-K 3 program. He is in an integrated classroom setting. 5 typical functioning children (normies as I call them) and 5 not so typical. That could range from lots of things. Axton is what she calls a model student to some of the others... Not sure that his behavior always is model, but we will let her think as she will. He loves his new school and would prefer me to stop walking him in and leave the kisses for the car.. He's growing up oh so fast. He is changing fast. They will do on IQ test on him soon to see where he falls. They did ask if his intelligence was from Tim and I. I asked her if being a smart mouth counted, but her look made me think not. Oh well!
I had a moment last week, when I wasn't sure if I were cut out to be a mom of someone "different"... But, I am! My mom told me that God doesn't make mistakes and well, I am sure I should have known that, but I needed it pointed out again. The struggles I may face parenting Axton are nothing compared to what he may face. The therapist asked me if he knew he was different from his peers yet, but as far as Axton is concerned, he's way smarter than anyone! If you have time read a poem called, "Welcome to Holland".. It's absolutely wonderful and it makes you see things from a whole new view. I know God is bigger than any "label" some Dr. may give him. He is uniquely made and more special than any gift I could have received. Maybe he's "normal" and we're not! There are big things for Axton still yet to come!
Tim is gone right now. He is working in Kentucky. I am so self sufficient some days it's awful, but with him gone it really makes me look at how much I need him. We miss him terribly, but know he has to do what he can to provide for us..Our kids keep needing to eat=) I start back to school Tuesday. I am excited, scared, and already looking for Christmas break. Can I do that??
God grant me the ability to see other's struggles and not just my own. Help me to learn to lean on you instead of trying to do everything myself. God thank you for the things in my life, great and small. Mold me God as you would have me be. Amen..
Until then...
Sharon
I had a moment last week, when I wasn't sure if I were cut out to be a mom of someone "different"... But, I am! My mom told me that God doesn't make mistakes and well, I am sure I should have known that, but I needed it pointed out again. The struggles I may face parenting Axton are nothing compared to what he may face. The therapist asked me if he knew he was different from his peers yet, but as far as Axton is concerned, he's way smarter than anyone! If you have time read a poem called, "Welcome to Holland".. It's absolutely wonderful and it makes you see things from a whole new view. I know God is bigger than any "label" some Dr. may give him. He is uniquely made and more special than any gift I could have received. Maybe he's "normal" and we're not! There are big things for Axton still yet to come!
Tim is gone right now. He is working in Kentucky. I am so self sufficient some days it's awful, but with him gone it really makes me look at how much I need him. We miss him terribly, but know he has to do what he can to provide for us..Our kids keep needing to eat=) I start back to school Tuesday. I am excited, scared, and already looking for Christmas break. Can I do that??
God grant me the ability to see other's struggles and not just my own. Help me to learn to lean on you instead of trying to do everything myself. God thank you for the things in my life, great and small. Mold me God as you would have me be. Amen..
Until then...
Sharon
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